Under Conviction

I use this blog to think out loud.

I guess most bloggers do that. It's cathartic, self expression. I blog what I'm experiencing, what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. Blogs are like mood rings in that regard. If my blog was a mood ring it would have been some bright color for a bold exhibitionist January, and darker for an introspective February. What color is that?

I'm feeling more than a little bit "under conviction" this month. Any church folk out there beside me that understand and ocassionally relate to that term?

Yes, I'm church folk. Hard to tell that, I know. Be kind. But yes, in addition to being your fearless naughty blogger, I am also a spiritual and religious Christian man who loves the church. Longtime readers of my previous "DanceFan" blog will know that I'm often conflicted over those two true and compelling sides of myself.

As I am at present. It's the preacher's fault, really. In a good way.

We have a new preacher. I sit under his preaching weekly, voluntarily and cheerfully. I belive it. I take it seriously. And I listen, can't help but to - he's good. Never negative or critical. Positive always, but still very serious about the task at hand which is preaching a compelling life-changing sermon. Usually about sin - he's against it. :) More than that, he is an expert at the stepping-on-your-toes, put-you-under-conviction, are-you-living-the-best-life-you-can-live, are-you-living-what-you-profess evangelical protestant sermon. An expert.

He's got me thinking.

Am I living the best life I could live?

Am I giving the one and only wife I have the best of me?

Am I investing all of the time I could be investing in my kids - who dearly need me in their troubled lives?

Am I a healthy well balanced man spending my life well ( I like to think so), or a prodigal out in the far land squandering the blessings I have in my life? (Probably some of that too.)

Is this blog important to me? (Yes) Or, it a selfish squandering of time? (Yes, that too) Do I really need to escape into this blog that I love? (Need to? Or just selfishly want to?)

Figleaf actually got me thinking about that last week in his post about winning the Sex Blog Awards. He had a line in there about how "important this blog is to me". That line stopped me and made me think. Is my blog important to me? (Yes, obviously) Important in the right priority context? (Probably out of whack at the moment. Scale it back buddy!)

Not preaching. Just thinking - out loud. It's healthy, really it is. Maybe a bummer compared to January, but healthy in the long run. Spirituality has a role in well balanced, even semi-erotic, life doesn't it?

There's a whole conversation going on in my head - you guys just get to hear it. More to come this month. Join the conversation if you want. Just remember, be kind.

I'm heading out on the road for the rest of the week. With a lot to think about as I travel.