Saturday, August 19, 2006

$2 Fantasy

This is a quirky thing about me, but I create fantasies at odd times. For roughly $2.

Let me explain.

It's not a secret that I girl-watch everywhere I go. Everywhere.

What's less known is the extent that I go to indulge the creation of a fantasy.

Let's take a recent experience as an example. I had to go sit through a class for an afternoon. Nothing fun. Drudgery in fact. Just me and 25 or so folks of all ages that I don't know. Other than basic scoping of lovely ladies, how do I make this fun?

Answer: spend $2. Buy a condom. Tuck it into that little small pouch in the right pocket of my jeans.

Do I need to be carrying a condom around? Uh, no. For the obvious reason - I'm not having much sex. Minimal within my marriage and, for the most part, zero outside of it. I'm disease free. I'm surgically safe - having been "snipped" a few years ago. (And boy is that a funny story!)

So, why the condom? So that I can imagine.

It's a simple formula.

Condom in my pocket + cute ladies that I encounter = chance that I will have sex.

Sure, the chance of it happening is a billion to one. But that leaves a chance! A fantasy is born.

I imagine that I am going to meet someone in the class, have instant chemistry, and hook-up before the day is over. Passsionate animal stranger sex in an unused classroom or out in my van in the parking lot.

Who will it be? I arrive early and take a seat near the back of the classroom, looking my studly best. (Okay, that was a joke.) And I evaluate everyone on arrival. Who will sneak off with me and use the hidden condom?

30 people. 3 possibilities:

- a "Junior Miss" high maintenance blonde dressed sharply, with a sexy ankle bracelet. 25 or so.

- a slim boyish looking brunette with a jeans and a plain T-shirt. Sexy feet in sandals. Delicious short haircut revealing a lickable neck.

- 20 yr. old deeply tanned blonde college girl. Hooded college sweatshirt and cutoff jean shorts. Sat right in the sight line between me and the instructor. Bless her and her golden brown supple legs.

So. Who would it be? Who would catch my eye? Who would give me even the slightest hint of a possible attraction? Who would feed my stranger hook-up fantasy?

Two of them, actually.

Junior Miss looked at me gratefully when I laughed loudly at a joke she made. Eye contact. Possibility.

Hoodie blonde paid me some mild attention when I was a group leader of a discussion group.

It was enough. I fantasized the afternoon away, and survived the drudgery.

The condom thrown away on my way home. As have many before it.

Is there a downside to this little $2 fantasy habit? Oh yeah. We won't even go into the drama of Mrs. SCM finding a condom in my slacks one time when she did my laundry while I was away on a business trip. (Oops! Forgot to throw that one away.) the phone call that I got. Or the months of counseling to "fix" SCM.

Yeah, there's a risk.

But, it got me through the day. And, I got to imagine.
posted by Semi-Celibate Man @ 5:37 PM | 0 comments


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