Monday, February 26, 2007

Out from Despair

I'm a parent, thus I occasionally despair. As I did last weekend - deeply.

I rarely despair about my life's circumstances. I'm blessed more than I ever expected to be. I literally spend very little time worrying about my present or my future. Job stresses, stacks of bills to pay, health issues, etc. rarely phase me.

But, my children - my young men, that's another matter. They have serious issues. Sometimes incomprehensible and frightening and overwhelming issues. And I fall into deep despair for them.

I worry about their future. Not just the normal reasonable worries of how they will fare when they become adults, what kind of character they'll have, what mate will they find. Those are all quite enough to worry about, as many of you know.

No, sometimes - too often - it's more than that. Their issues are so profound, so immediate, that it's more than that. The questions become overwhelming:

- will we survive as an intact family much longer?
- are we even capable of caring for these two troubled children into adulthood?
- can they function at all in society?
- are either of them headed for jail or to a hospital?

Overwhelming. It's an easy word to toss around until you're there. Overwhelmed.

I was there Saturday night. Exhausted. Freaked out. In way over my head. I give already. I can't do this. I have no answers.

Fortunately Sunday was another day. I dragged myself, overwhelmed and shut down, to church as I do each week. And a small miracle happened there. The sermon was spot on and completely applicable - an antidote for despair. It touched me deeply and inspired me to get up and go home and do what I need to do...

Be their Father.

Figure it out. It's not their fault. Help them, again, to get through this. Teach them. Model for them. Get them the resources they need to be the best that they can be.

It's the job I signed on for when I stood in front of a judge and brought them to our home.

It's a job that I'm blessed to have.

Be their Father. Every day.

It's Monday. We had a good day. I have a mission. The despair is lifted, at least for today. I'll take it.
posted by Semi-Celibate Man @ 11:14 PM | 0 comments


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