Funked by a Blog

Fuck. She hit a nerve.

Against my better judgement, I've allowed myself to participate in a blog discussion about child sexual abuse.

At an intellectual level, it's pretty simple.

Rey, on her blog "Spirit Sex", wrote some posts on her beliefs on men as pedophiles. Most men.

In response I not only commented on her blog disagreeeing, but wrote my own post here ("Off my Blogroll", Wednesday before my HNT). In it I argued that over-reaching to call "most men" pedophiles trivialized real abuse. I called it emotional bomb-throwing.

Very civilized. Agree to disagree and all that. Moving on. Write what you want on your blog. Disregard my comments.

Unfortunately, it's not just an intellectual issue.

It's deeply emotional, and you shouldn't just fuck with it casually. This discussion has consequences.

One of the unintended consequences being a deep, non-functional funk for me yesterday and today.

I mentioned in my post that I was sexually abused in my childhood. You can't just say that out loud (or in a blog) without an emotional price. I can't, anyway.

I really didn't want to think about that again.

I didn't want to emotionally acknowledge the consequences of that again. I didn't have a choice. The funk found me.

Fuck.

I can't function well in this funk. I didn't accomplish much at work today. I didn't get what I need to do at home tonight done. I surfed blogs. I obsessed about this. I thought about things that I had put behind me. I commented again, pointlessly, on Rey's newest post indicting the whole male gender. Pointless on my part. Not helpful.

Fuck.

I want to drink this funk away. I can't. I have to function. Sooner rather than later.

I'll have to write it away. In a post. Here. Just not tonight.