"Semi", Once Again

I was starting to worry that I would have to change the title of this blog. Was I "semi-celibate"? Or just plain celibate. It's been a while.

Then there was the dream that I told you about a couple of posts ago. Startling. Disturbing. An all-night long dream that Mrs. SCM was leaving me. Including the logistics of packing her up and moving her.

A dream, yes. But a wake up call as well.

It freaked me out, as I told you. Put me in a funk, but an introspective funk.

Could it happen? Not likely - physically moving out. But I realized that I have seen signs in her lately of emotionally checking out. Accepting of the celibate state and moving on.

Is that acceptable? Am I living up to my vows if she's in that condition? If I'm in that condition?

Am I doing my best to make the situation better? I thought about that a lot this weekend. Gut check: I'm spending a lot of my energy focused elsewhere. Investing time and emotion elsewhere. This is not a new thought to me, but ocassionally I need a gut check. A wake up call. A reason to do better.

It's only a few days, but I'm trying to do better. Better at being there. Better at being involved. Better at being attentive.

I started with hugs. Haven't hugged her in a while, so I did. A few times. Lingering hugs.

Other things. Taking care of the kids. Working on the house. Not great, but better.

And today, a thought: "Dude, go fuck your wife".

So, I found time. Made time. A surprise, but with a little warning. "You can have your way with me in a half hour".

It was awesome. Brief, but awesome.

Together. Alone. In a quiet house - midday.

I took charge. Layed her down and kissed her passionately. Kissing. Touching. Nibbling. Feeling. Waking her up. Taking her under.

And diving. Oh yes, diving. Been a while, but I threw myself totally into it. Lips, tongue, nose!, 2 fingers in her, all focused on her. Resolute and tireless. Staying with it. Listening for responses and adjusting. Building to a rhythm, and eventually a screaming orgasm for her!

Mounting her directly for a rigorous missionary coupling for a satisfying orgasm of my own.

It's a start.